When my husband jokes about me sawing down a whole forest which is when he refers to me sleeping or snoring while sleeping, I usually deny such accusations but last night I was given Exhibit A as proof of such occurrences. Needless to say, I am mortified.

He had videoed his lovely wife sleeping when I dozed off during Daredevil last week. I know, a mortal sin among geeks and nerd and closet super hero fans, but I was tired. We watched the same episode again the next day. Back to the point… HE VIDEOED ME!!! HUSBANDS AROUND THE WORLD LISTEN TO ME!!! When your wife wants proof of something that could prove to only wound her pride, just ignore it. Pretend she never said it. TRUST ME! She doesn’t want to know. SHE WILL NOT LIKE IT!

Do not act like a blooming idiot like my husband and then wait with the evidence for the next time she would so happen to deny it. Just don’t! Upon my denial and his declaration of proof, I ask to see or should I say hear it and good golly what a whopper. It sounded like nothing I had ever heard. I know snoring. My uncle is a snorer. I. Do. Not. Snore. No! In fact, I do something that sounds like a wild animal caught in a trap that then passes gas. Beyond mortified. I don’t know how I can sleep around him or anyone ever again. The one thing I would think would be sacred and one of my favorite past times and I now have a complex about it. This will not due.

I need to find a way to stop the snoring.

Good ole google. I type in How to stop and it fills in snoring in the first example to choose from. Gees. Does google know I have a snoring problem?

Lifestyle changes to stop snoring
  1. Lose weight. …Working on it.
  2. Exercise can also help to stop snoring. … Maybe I will try… then I have to worry about a second video…
  3. Quit smoking. … Don’t do that.
  4. Avoid alcohol, sleeping pills, and sedatives because they relax the muscles in the throat and interfere with breathing. … Damn… That means no more wine…
  5. Establish regular sleep patterns. Well I thought I had.

So number 4 may just get overlooked, but I guess we shall see if losing weight and exercising more helps.

Yours truly,

The Weird Snoring Girl

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